


anywhere you go, i'll follow you down

by moonlitserenades



Category: Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Bucky Barnes Has Issues, Bucky Barnes Returns, Gen, M/M, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Slow Burn, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-06
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2020-02-26 21:48:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18725635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonlitserenades/pseuds/moonlitserenades
Summary: At some point, it starts to rain in earnest. Steve is drenched by the time he registers someone sliding onto the bench beside him, but he doesn’t move until the person tosses his now-sodden sketchbook into his lap and says, “You never did have any goddamn sense.”Following a whirlwind search for Bucky after the events of TWS, Steve struggles.





	1. prologue

The sun has long since set, and a fine mist is starting to fall, but Steve doesn’t notice. He sits on the bench in front of Bucky’s empty grave, alternately sketching and writing useless, rambling, pleading letters. Within a few minutes, the pages of his sketchbook are beginning to curl, his words smudging and smearing until they’re nearly illegible. Not that there’s much to read anyway; so much is crossed out that there’s barely anything to see. It’s stupid to be here--somewhere in the back of his mind, he knows it’s stupid, knows that all he’s doing is prolonging his own misery--but he can’t seem to force himself to stand up and go home. He puts his pencil down, and doesn’t even notice when it rolls away and falls to the ground. Closes the sketchbook, and sets it beside him. And then, he closes his eyes.

God, he’s just so tired. Tired to his bones, to his core, to the depths of his soul. 

At some point, it starts to rain in earnest. Steve is drenched by the time he registers someone sliding onto the bench beside him, but he doesn’t move until the person tosses his now-sodden sketchbook into his lap and says, “You never did have any goddamn sense.”

Steve’s eyes snap open. Bucky sits beside him. Too rigid, expression too blank. But there. “I--what--” His voice cracks. He puts his hands over his face and presses, hard. His heart is pounding so hard it feels like it’s going to fly out of his chest and he is suddenly and violently terrified that he’s dreaming. He keeps his face covered when he speaks again. “Is this real?”

There’s a beat of silence that feels eternal and then, softly, gruffly, “Yeah.”

Steve lets his hands fall into his lap and looks, really looks, for the first time. Bucky’s clothing is nondescript--a pair of dark jeans and an oversized black hoodie. Black gloves. His hair hangs in soaking tendrils around his face. His beard is starting to grow in, and there are dark circles under his eyes, visible even in the surrounding darkness. “Buck,” he manages hoarsely. His hands shake in his lap and he clasps them together, fighting the urge to reach out and touch.

“Hey.” Bucky inches, almost imperceptibly, closer. “Steve.”

There’s rainwater dripping off Steve’s hair and into his eyes. He doesn’t brush it away, barely even blinks. “I don’t know what to do,” he admits. His voice is small. “I don’t--could I--”

Bucky’s answering smile is a tiny, bitter thing. He spreads his arms slightly, a silent invitation. “C’mere.”

Their embrace is a fragile thing. Bucky keeps his left arm down, his shoulders tense where Steve touches them. “I’m here,” he murmurs, and then disentangles himself with slow, gentle movements. 

“Have you been here all this time?”

“You need to stop looking for me.” His gaze is intent. “You have to stop.”

“But where will you go? What will you do?” There’s an ugly, vicious hysteria crawling through his veins, and for the first time since the serum, he feels as though he can’t get enough air. “Buck, please.”

“Hey. _Hey._ ” His left hand closes around Steve’s wrist, and he pulls gently, pressing Steve’s fingers against the damp flesh of his right wrist. “Stevie. _Breathe._ ” 

“I’m sorry,” he manages, attempting to match his breaths to Bucky’s own. Beneath his shaking hand, Bucky’s pulse beats, reassuringly slow.

“Listen to me,” says Bucky, quietly. “I’m not safe for you.”

“I don’t care--”

“ _I_ care,” Bucky snarls. “Steve. Let me go.” His voice drops--becomes a broken whisper. “Please.”

Steve lets out a single, broken sob, dropping his head. “Tell me you’ll be okay.”

Carefully, Bucky stands, knocking Steve’s hand free. His voice shakes, ever so slightly, when he says, “Go home, Steve. And don’t do anything stupid ‘til I get back.”


	2. I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _A week after Bucky makes contact, Tony Stark shows up unexpectedly at Steve’s door. “Cap!” he exclaims, bouncing on the balls of his feet. “Good news! Pepper just finished an extremely tasteful redecoration of your floor at Avengers Tower.”_
> 
> In which, rather against his own will, Steve has two important conversations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Exposition ahoy! After this chapter, we should be pretty set to get into the Actual Plot, though, so hang in there. :)

I.

“Okay. Let me see if I have this right,” says Sam. A single drop of syrup drips from his forgotten forkful of pancake and into his lap, but he doesn’t seem to notice. “Last night, while you were sitting alone in the pouring rain in a cemetery--which we’re absolutely going to be discussing more later, by the way--the _literal Winter Soldier_ just came and, what, sat down with you?”

“He wasn’t acting like the Winter Soldier. He was acting like...like Bucky. Like himself. He _knew me,_ Sam.”

Sam presses his lips together and inhales slowly. When he speaks again, his voice is gentle. “And I believe that,” he says. “I really do. I just think you need to be careful.”

“Careful of what? He remembered me.” A small, proud smile blooms on Steve’s face. “And he said he’d come back. 

“Look, Sam, I’m not getting too far ahead of myself here. I know he’s had things happen to him that I can’t even begin to imagine, and I don’t have any expectations that when I see him again, it’s going to be easy. But I’m also not going to pretend it’s not amazing that he broke through all that conditioning to save me, and then came and found me again to yell at me about my life choices.”

“Fair enough,” Sam replies, laughing a little. “It’s good to know one of you two has some sense.”

Steve laughs, the kind of bright, bubbly laugh Sam can’t remember ever having heard from him before. It's a little worrisome, frankly. Sam tilts his head, considering. “I guess what I’m wondering is, what are you gonna do if he doesn’t?”

“Doesn’t what?”

“Come back.”

Joy fading from his face, Steve sets his jaw; this particular brand of stubborn expression is the one that usually makes Tony start mockingly saying the pledge of allegiance, but Sam, being the good friend that he is, does not point this out. “He will.”

“But what if he can’t?” Sam keeps his voice carefully level. “Or what if he does, and he isn’t the Barnes you remember?” Steve remains silent, a muscle ticking in his still-clenched jaw, and Sam sighs. “Hey, man, listen. I’m not trying to hurt you, but it’s important to manage your expectations, you know? The fact that he remembers you at all is a miracle, but we don’t know how it happened, or how long it will last.”

“If anyone can do this, it’s Bucky.” 

Sam barely manages to suppress his sigh. “I hope you’re right.”

***

A week after Bucky makes contact, Tony Stark shows up unexpectedly at Steve’s door. “Cap!” he exclaims, bouncing on the balls of his feet. “Good news! Pepper just finished an extremely tasteful redecoration of your floor at Avengers Tower.”

“Tony,” replies Steve, with a credible attempt at patience, “I don’t need a floor at Avengers Tower.”

“Well, you already have one. Anyway, you can’t keep living here. It’s depressing. By the way, just out of curiosity, are there still bullet holes in your walls?”

“I’m fine here.”

“Do I actually need to point out that Hydra already found you here once, or…?

“I’m _fine,_ Tony.”

“It’s _sad,_ Cap.” He bounces again. “Seriously, can you at least come see it? It looks amazing. Stay for like, a week. Two weeks. A month. The night. Whatever. However long you want. Barton and Banner are staying. It’ll be like a big slumber party, except not at all because JARVIS says I have to, quote, learn how to respect the privacy of others, end quote.” He raises his eyebrows. “Pep worked really hard, y’know.”

Despite himself, Steve smirks. “Are you seriously trying to guilt trip me right now?”

“Yes, absolutely. One hundred percent. Also, we’ve had literally this entire conversation with me still standing in the middle of your hallway. Such _rudeness,_ Cap. It’s the least you could do, really.”

“You’re not going to leave until I agree, are you?”

“Nope.” He pops the p loudly, looking pleased with himself. 

“Alright. Fine. I'll come see it. But that's it, Tony. I mean it.”

Grinning, Tony clasps his shoulder. "Famous last words."

**Author's Note:**

> The plan is for this to go on, likely ignoring Civil War, Infinity War, and Endgame in the process. Tags will be updated as needed, and as the other Avengers start making their appearance.


End file.
